Blessings Times Two

What a Week

2010-03-18T22:11:00.005-04:00

It has really been one of those weeks!

A week that seems to have tons of struggles, very little happiness and limited smiles. I know in my heart that I am very blessed and that the Lord is in control but the devil seems to have "camped out" on my doorstep. I am very worn out...tired of worrying about things...tired of feeling like I am never going to rise above...just tired!

Things continue to pile up and, at times, I don't feel like I am ever going to get my head above water. Today, I was looking through some old pictures and stumbled upon one of my granny and granddaddy. Finding this picture was like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. That is what my granny represented for me...she made everything okay.

If only granny were still here to make everything okay!! The Lord also has a way a making everything okay...I don't think it was an accident that I stumbled upon this picture.

A Mom's Blessings

2010-03-08T20:13:00.007-05:00

I am blessed with the two most precious children in the world! Many years ago, when I was dreaming of being a mom, I could have never imagined that the Lord would allow me to be the mom of these two angels.

I am sure that every mother feels this way but there is just something about my two that seems extra special.

Olivia Grace is my drama queen that is sometimes misunderstood. She is my long awaited little miracle. She is my singing, dancing princess that loves to play dress up, have tea parties and teach school to her babies. She is a girly girl that likes making mud pies, enjoys playing baseball and wants so badly for her best buddy, Peyton, to teach her how to shoot his gun. She is caring, understanding of others, helpful, always asking questions, loves to learn, sometimes argumentative but usually with a good point, independent, nurturing, artistic, honest, strong willed (or you might say stubborn) but at times timid. She is the best daughter I could have asked for and I am so thankful that the Lord has allowed me to be her mom.

Carter is my granny's prayer for me. He is who my granny said would complete my family. "All you need now is a little boy", she would say. He melts my heart with his shy, held back grin that can light up the darkest day. He is my silly, easily embarrassed, bouncing little boy. He is just like his momma. He is a wild little monkey around anyone he knows but as shy as he can be around others. He is handsome with his brown hair and brown eyes. He is loving, rambunctious at home, sensitive, timid, quiet, shy, passive but mischievous at times. He is definitely a momma's boy. He has been the one I worry the most about. He had colic, acid reflux and is now a bit delayed socially and with his speech. All his grunting and signing has become endearing. He knows how to sign please, thank you, more and all done. Within the last week, he has learned how to say mah-mah (momma), daa-daa (daddy), balllllll (ball) and bahk-bahk (what the chicken says). He will soon be getting speech and I am confident that the Lord is taking care of him. I am so thankful to have been chosen to be his mom.

Memories

2010-02-25T20:55:00.003-05:00

As we were getting ready for bed tonight, Olivia Grace asked if I could read them a book. The deal was that I got to pick the book so I decided on a book of nursery rhymes from a Childcraft set that my granny had when I was little. I remember sitting on the couch loving the simple illustrations as Granny read the nursery rhymes. Years later, I would read them to her because I was a "good reader", she would say. Becky recently brought the book to me and I teared up as soon as I saw it because I have such good memories of sitting and reading those rhymes with Granny.

OG, Carter and I were laying in the bed reading all the familiar nursery rhymes and I was sharing stories of times when Granny and I would read the book. We lost Carter's attention much earlier so he was jumping on the bed and occasionally coming to look at the pictures. I was telling OG how Granny would be my "student" as I pretended to teach her the nursery rhyme. Olivia Grace says, "I wish I could have known her before she was sick." This is something that I have thought about many times over. I really wish that my children could have experienced the Granny that I knew. She is such a special person! The fact that OG wishes she knew her like I did makes me miss her even more.

Words to Live By

2010-02-21T21:36:00.003-05:00

For the past few months, I have been praying for a change - emotionally and spiritually. The Lord is working in my life and I am so thankful. I have faith that He is healing my broken heart and giving me purpose for my life. The praise and worship team at our church is known for its contemporary, freedom-filled services which I enjoy so much. They have recently started singing a new song that I absolutely love and have added to my playlist for you to hear. It is surprising how closely the chorus and the bridge of the song fit my life. Even when I didn't realize it, God was for me - on the mountain, in the battle, through the failures and in the victories. He IS for me! Like the bridge of the song says, if our God is for us, who can be against us? Great words to live by!!!

You Are For Me
VERSE 1:
You are my faithful Father
Who holds everything together
Why should I fear when You are always on my side?
I am known as the apple of Your eye
The treasure You gave Your life for
Ohh…nothing can separate me from Your perfect love

CHANNEL:
You prepare a table for me, in the presence of my enemies
All the time, Your thoughts are on me, and You hold me when I’m weak

CHORUS:
You are for me, on the mountain
You are for me, in the battle
Through the failures, in the victories
You are for me, hallelujah
In the morning, in the evening
When I’m dancing, when I’m weeping
Through the storms, I won’t be shaken
You are for me, hallelujah

VERSE 2:
You are my strong Defender
Who shelters my life from danger
Why should I fear when You are always on my side?
I’m anointed with oil and in this life
I’m followed by mercy and goodness
Ohh…nothing can separate me from Your perfect love

BRIDGE:
If my God is for me, who can be against me?
Ohhh

Revelation or Situation

2010-02-16T21:41:00.003-05:00

"It is for discipline that you endure, God deals with you as with sons, for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." Hebrews 12: 7 and 11

We are having revival at our church and I know this may sound selfish or echo-centric but I think this revival is for me. Every message has felt like it has been written just for me...just for my situation...just for my life. The preacher's message tonight was about turning a revelation from the Lord into a bad situation in our lives because we don't want to do what the Lord has told us to do. When he read the scripture from Hebrews, I knew that I was being reprimanded for continuing to hold on to hurt from my past instead of giving it to Him. I have been holding on to that hurt and those worthless feelings because I felt like that is what defines me as a person. But tonight I realized that He defines me...I am who I am because of what the Lord has done for me. I think many of us are guilty of turning a revelation from the Lord into a bad situation because we aren't open to what the Lord has for us. We pray for change and we pray for guidance but when He provides those, we are comfortable just ignoring His plan because we think we have it all under control. I want to grasp the Lord's revelation for me...I want to be changed, renewed and restored. I want to be who He wants me to be not who I think I should be. I am choosing to let go and let the Lord lead. Can you do the same?

Turning a Corner

2010-02-05T20:43:00.006-05:00

My, my, my...it has been so long since I last blogged that I am having a hard time getting started. I titled my post "Turning a Corner" because I am determined that today is the day for me to turn a corner. It is hard to describe all that has happened and how my life has changed in the last year and a half. I have been praying for a change and I am believing that the Lord has something in store.

Let me start by describing what the Lord has brought us through. After Carter's birth, things were difficult to say the least. He had, what I think, was a severe case of colic. I think many parents tend to call extreme fussiness colic. If you have ever had a baby with the real, diagnosed colic, you know there is a definite difference. We tried gas drops, all natural colic drops, gripe water, numerous bottles, every formula made, heating pads, swaddling, bouncing, swinging, tummy time, the sound of music, the sound of white noise, the sound of the vacuum, riding in the car and anything else you can find on the internet that says it will cure colic. If it weren't for all that happened after this, I would say that this was the worst few months of my life. I loved Carter but I was at my wits end. When he was around four months old, I went back to the pediatrician for the 6th time. The doctor and the nurses knew when I walked in that I could not take much more. The nurses took Carter and I sat in the room crying to my pediatrician about how terrible of a mother I was. After running some tests that week, the doctor decided to prescribed Carter two medicines that made all the difference in the world. By the end of November, Carter was a new baby and we were all relieved. I thought that my outlook would change but it didn't. The next month, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression which became the "new" worst thing that I have ever been through. I got some medicine, it was my favorite holiday season and I was now in the swing of working again and juggling my growing family. I thought that things were turning around. However, in March my mother passed away. I have posted about this before so I won't go into too much detail. As most of you know, my mom didn't raise me - my grandmother did. She had been in and out of my life for as long as I could remember. She would be around for a few years and then I wouldn't see her for months. My mom had a lot of problems that, at times, she really tried to overcome. Once my children were born, I chose not to expose them to the life that she lived. So for five years, she and I did not have a relationship at all. She died of a disease called Scleroderma which is the hardening of the skin and organs. I find it quite ironic that she suffered from a disease that hardens the heart since she lived her life with quite a cold and hardened heart. After my mom passed away, I carried a lot of guilt. I felt like I should have been there as a witness for the Lord, to help my younger brother take care of her, to restore a relationship, to introduce my children and on and on. This had now become the "new" worst thing I had ever been through. Soon after this, my grandmother, who raised me and who I considered my mom, entered the late stages of Alzheimer's. As if I didn't think I was already screwed up, my doctor insisted that I start seeing a psychologist. I was reluctant but figured anything could help. I was working through the guilt of not being around for my birth mother when she was sick when my granny started to lose her battle with Alzheimer's. She was in and out of the Hospice House in April. For those that don't know my granny or realize how much she means to me, let me tell you a little about her. She was, in my mind at least, the closest person I knew to the Lord. She loved God and loved church. She taught me right from wrong and what it meant to have Jesus in your heart. She was there on my first day of kindergarten, she put perms in my hair when that was cool, made me dresses for church when I was little, she went to my high school orientation with me, she cooked me tomatoes and rice almost everyday after school, she took me to get my driver's license, she went with me to find prom dresses, she scratched my back when I got in the bed with her, she ran my bath water on Sunday mornings before church, she prayed with me before I opened my acceptance letter to Clemson, she was there for my high school graduation, she went to my college orientation, she helped decorate my dorm room, she was the first person I called when Craig proposed, she was there for my college graduation, she helped me find my wedding dress, she sewed my ring bearer's pillow, she prayed for years when I couldn't get pregnant, she cried when I called her and told her that I finally was, she reminded me every time she saw my children just how blessed I was, she told me daily how much she loved me, she meant the world to me! She passed away around midnight on May 11th - about an hour after Mother's Day. Nothing seemed as "bad" anymore...this WAS the worst thing that I had ever been through. Just two weeks ago, I decided that it was time to stop crying, time to stop being angry and time to get myself together. Well, what do you know, Craig was laid off from his job, that he has had for 11 years, last week. As soon as I thought things were turning around something else happens. I know that the Lord has a plan for my life. I have a peace about things that I haven't had in a very long time. Things have been very difficult but I am determined to "turn the corner". I want to be a witness and a testimony for God's work and unconditional love. Things are changing, I am changing and we are going to be okay. He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty...You are my refuge and my fortress...You are my God in whom I trust! Everything is going to be okay!

Carter's First "Official" Haircut

2009-03-21T11:20:00.013-04:00

With all that has been going on the past few weeks, it was nice to celebrate another of Carter's first on Tuesday. As most of you know, he was born with more hair than some babies have when they are a year old. I knew he would need a haircut long before OG had her first but didn't expect it to be the week he turned 8 months old.

I have to admit...I did cut the back of his hair when he was four months old because it was soooo long that I couldn't take it anymore. That wasn't an "official" haircut so it didn't count.

His grandparents and great-grandparents have been begging us to get his hair cut for at least 2 months. I was just so afraid that he wouldn't look like my little baby anymore. I really want him to stay a baby as long as possible! It is kinda sad to think that he may be my last baby and he already has to have a haircut.

I noticed this past week that his bangs were hanging in his eyes so I decided I finally had to do it. I had to cut my baby's hair even if it meant that he wouldn't be my tiny baby anymore. We went Tuesday. I held him and Becky took the pictures. He was so good! I was actually surprised at how still he was sitting.

In the end, I was actually very pleased with his new haircut. She just rounded it around his face, got the bangs out of his eyes, and shortened it over his ears and in the back. He actually still looks like my little baby. I learned with Olivia Grace that they grow up way too fast so there is no need in pushing them. I want to enjoy every minutes with my babies because, before long, they won't be "my babies" anymore!

No Second Chances

2009-03-10T20:47:00.004-04:00

This has been a really rough week and tomorrow may be even more difficult. I have learned a lot through the trials and tribulations during my life. I really do think I am the mother, wife, and friend that I am because of the things I have been through. I am trying very hard to have faith that the things I do and the decisions I make are done and made because it is His plan, not my own. My faith has been tested this year but I am determined to believe that the Lord is in control and He is taking care of me even when I may feel alone. While I pray that every decision I make is made with His help, there are definitely times when I question why I did or didn't do certain things. I have certainly questioned myself this week.

This week I learned that no matter whether decisions that are made are the right ones or the wrong ones, there are times when there are no second chances. Sometimes things can't be changed. I want everyone in my life, or at least those who read my blog for now, to know just how important they are to me.

To my friends and coworkers:
It is a blessing to know that I have friends from high school that choose to stay connected through this blog and others who I may see everyday but have such an interest in my family that they choose to follow our blog. I am blessed to have the friends that I have and can't believe how thoughtful and caring you all can be! You are the best!

To Becky:
You are a blessing from God. You support me when I need it. When I am down and feeling alone, you are there with just the write words of encouragement. I can't imagine not having you to lean on. Spiritually, you have filled granny's shoes. She was always the one that reminded me that the Lord loved me and that He has a plan but now you have taken on that job. You are the world to me! I love you!

To Claire:
You mean more to me than you will ever know. Like I have said many times before...the Lord put you in my life for a reason. We aren't friends because we have things in common. Our friendship isn't just a coincidence. You are part of His plan for my life and I am soooo thankful. You are a wonderful mother and you have the most caring heart. God knows what I need and provides that through our friendship. I am so blessed to have someone that cares about me and my family. I love you very much!

To my in-laws:
You are the family that I have wanted for so long. God always provides what we need even if it isn't in the way that we expected. I love knowing that you love me regardless of my faults or my crazy feelings on things. You accept me for who I am and understand why I think the way I do about my children. I am so blessed to be a part of your family and I thank the Lord everyday for answering prayers. I love you!

To Craig:
You are my world! Simple and sweet - I don't know what I would do without you. We don't always see eye to eye but you love me anyway. You put up with me not because you have to but because you love me. I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me. You are a great daddy, a wonderful man and an answer to prayers. I love you!

To Olivia Grace and Carter:
You two are the blessings that I prayed for, the loves of my life, and my reason for living. You are the best two children a mother could ask for. I thank God everyday for allowing me to be your mother. I never want you to wonder if I love you! I will teach you to listen, follow directions, be respectful, clean your rooms, pick up your toys, brush your teeth, be compassionate, share, tell one another "I love you", go to church, do your homework, work hard in school, be independent, love the Lord, be thoughtful, drive carefully, play nicely, and take advantage of every chance you have all because I love you. I will do everything a mother should, not because I should, but because that is just how much I love you!

God Provides...He Even Provides Doctors

2009-02-17T19:43:00.003-05:00

I am a firm believer that the Lord puts people in your life for a reason and I received validation of this belief today.

Olivia Grace's doctor used to be Dr. Principe at Georgetown Pediatrics and Internal Medicine. I absolutely LOVED him. He was wonderful so you can imagine how devastated I was when he got a job at the hospital and left the practice.

I went through all the stages of grief. First was denial - he really isn't leaving. Second was anger - how dare he leave us. Then came bargaining - I would be willing to pay a little extra if he could just stay. Next was depression - I was soooo sad that he wouldn't be our doctor anymore and all I could think of was would we ever find anyone as good as him. The last stage was acceptance and boy did that take a while. When I got pregnant with Carter, I was very worried about who his doctor was going to be. I even went as far as listing another doctor in the practice as the pediatrician on my file for the hospital.

In August, Olivia Grace had her four year old appointment and shots for school. Dr. Ratz was the new doctor taking Dr. Principe's place but I didn't have high expectations. After the appointment, I was extremely impressed. He was young, had children the age of mine, and seemed very knowledgeable. I guess I really had made it to that last stage of grief - acceptance. I actually accepted Dr. Ratz as our new pediatrician. I was so impressed that I even changed the pediatrician on my file for Carter. After Carter was born, we were totally hooked. Dr. Ratz was great! He stole Craig's heart because they actually had something in common - the love of sports. Carter wore a Clemson hat after he was born. When Dr. Ratz got him to circumcise him, he put a piece of tape over the tiger paw with Penn State written on it because that is his alumni.

Dr. Ratz is a great pediatrician but today I realized that he isn't just a pediatrician that happened to take the place of Dr. Principe. The Lord put him in our lives for a reason. I had to take OG to the doctor today because she was running a very high fever last night. We found out the she had the flu, even though she had flu mist. Everyone in the family could be treated for the flu except for Carter because he is too young. Once he told me that, I was a bit upset. I replied by saying just our luck...if it is around, we are going to get it. Well...Dr. Ratz quickly put me in my place by saying, "Tanya, the flu is much better than something long term. We want to keep the cancers and such away so we will settle with things like the flu. It can be treated and we are done with it in a short amount of time." I knew right then that was the Lord! He was making sure I knew that He was taking care of my children, even though I was being ungrateful. As I was driving home, I found myself praying over and over. "Thank you, Lord, for taking care of my children. Thank you for covering them and only allowing them to get things that can be treated and have no long term effects. Thank you for putting Dr. Ratz in our lives to make me aware of how grateful I should actually be."

I thought I should share this story with all of my mommy friends because we get so caught up in how bad these viruses and colds can be on our little ones. Dr. Ratz (which is now the BEST doctor in the world) made sure I understood just how blessed we really are. Thank the Lord for people like Dr. Ratz!!

Boys vs. Girls

2009-02-16T13:05:00.005-05:00

Carter is extremely mobile and has been for a few months. I haven't really compared my children much but I knew Olivia Grace didn't crawl until much later. I took out the baby books today and compared just a little. Much of what I learned in college about the development of children seems to be true. Girls develop faster, verbally, than boys and boys develop faster, physically, than girls. Olivia Grace didn't crawl until she was nine months and Carter has been crawling since he was six months. However, she was saying da-da (daddy) and boo-boo (bye bye) at eight months and he is just now starting to say different sounds. I am getting a little worried that he may walk sooner than she did as well. I remember wanting her to take those first steps sooo badly. I would sit for hours and call her so that she would try to walk to me. I know better now! Once they start walking, it is over!

Any privacy you may have had in the bathroom is gone!

Cooking or cleaning without "help" is over!

Keeping your cabinets and drawers straight and organized is over!

Relaxation in the tub is gone (even daddy can't contain the walker)!

Most importantly, and the one that makes me the most sad, is that the baby stage is over! No more sitting and rocking...you officially have a toddler that can and wants to get into everything!

Carter is trying to pull up on the side of the couch. He is very unsteady but the fact that he is trying worries me. I found him in a new position yesterday and finally got a picture of it today. I must admit, it is absolutely precious to see him sit in this position and try to play with toys at the same time. I guess this may be another way of strengthening his legs in preparation for standing or it may just be something crazy that he likes to do for no apparent reason. Either way, I had to share!!

"Pirate" Parts

2009-01-26T19:35:00.003-05:00

I will go ahead and apologize ahead of time...this post may discuss more than you would like to hear about but I couldn't let this experience pass without sharing it.

I like to think that Olivia Grace is pretty innocent compared to many children today. I realize she is only four, but working in a public school will give you a clear idea of what you don't want your four year old to know about. Up until Carter's birth, she really didn't realize that boys were any different than girls. Since then, she has noticed that his "tuu-tee" doesn't look like hers and she is totally amazed by it. She has now learned that his isn't called a "tuu-tee" but instead we call his a "winky". For quite some time, we called them the same thing but Claire made sure to inform me that we could not do that.

I have been allowing them to take a bath together because Carter loves to splash and OG thinks it is hilarious to make him splash harder by laughing each time he hits the water. For the past month, she has been more interested in Carter's private parts than I would like for her to be. I know that it is just something different and her interest will soon pass. However, I have started trying to explain to her that each person has private parts that only belong to them and no one should look or touch except for mommas and dads. She seemed to understand and I thought my continuous reminding was working because she hasn't said anything the past week or so in the bathtub or during his diaper changes. Tonight, we were all three in the tub and Carter was overly excited about splashing in the water. Olivia Grace looks at me and says, "look, his "pirate" parts shake when he kicks". I thought I would die!!! I had to tell her that they were called "private" parts because that is what moms should do, right? I really just wanted to start laughing hysterically but I kept my composure, corrected the word and pulled the plug in the tub. It was time to get out!!

When Big Sisters Teach Little Brothers About "Dress-Up"

2009-01-19T21:13:00.007-05:00

Poor Carter!! I guess he has a lot to look forward to since he has an older sister that is a bit bossy but still very protective of her little brother.

Olivia Grace played by herself for much of the day but decided to include Carter when it came time for dress-up. She did try to choose clothing that was not specific to a particular gender. I tried to put a pair of her dress-up shoes on him and she quickly told me, "a boy can't dress-up in girl shoes". Oh, sorry!!

He is pretty laid back and will do whatever she wants him to do (which is good because, remember, I said she was a bit bossy). He looks at her with those big, brown eyes and smiles no matter if she is...

dressing him up,

feeding him her pretend baby doll food,

pushing him down the hall in his walker as she pretends they are on a ride at Disney World,

helping him play her Hannah Montana keyboard as she plays the guitar so they can "make a band",

checking his lungs and heart with her stethoscope like the pediatrician does,

fixing his hair with her hair clips,

pretending to read him story after story as he sits and glares at her as if every word were meant just for him...

He just looks at her and smiles the most precious smile - and as I watch them, I realize just how precious the sibling relationship can be. I pray that they continue to have the relationship that they have right now...that he always looks at her like he did today - in amazement at his beautiful, big sister - and that she always takes care of him just as she has for the past 6 months.

Proud Moments

2009-01-07T19:42:00.002-05:00

The ride home today wasn't much different than any other ride home. Usually, if everyone is in a good mood and not too tired, we sing along with either a christian CD of songs that we sing at our church or a CD that Olivia Grace calls "Connor's songs" because it was a favor from Connor's birthday party.

OG asked to hear the "glory song" so we were singing along and enjoying ourselves. When the song ended, it got quiet enough that I could hear Olivia Grace talking to Carter. I decided to turn the next song down a bit so that I could hear what she was saying.

I could have never imagined what was coming out of her mouth...she was witnessing to her little brother. She said (as best I can remember), "Carter, do you want Jesus in your heart? Do you want him to live in here (I guess she was pointing to her heart). Jesus can live in your heart. He really can, I promise."

I have never been so proud in my life! I really struggle with the religious questions that she is starting to ask (last night the questions was "what is glory?") and I often worry that I am not doing all that I could to help her understand God and Jesus and all that goes along with those very abstract concepts. If she doesn't get any of those concepts that I have been trying to help her with, she has learned the most important - We all need to have Jesus in our heart!!

Carter's Christening

2009-01-04T21:38:00.009-05:00

We had Carter christened today and it was absolutely wonderful. We had our closest friends and family there with us and everyone enjoyed dinner after church. We had to wait longer with Carter than we did with Olivia Grace because he had such a rough start. But today he was the most perfect little boy. He didn't cry once! He is truly a different child.

I really looked forward to both of my children's dedication because I feel like it is my way to say in front of everyone just how much I appreciate the Lord trusting me with these precious gifts and how hard I plan to work in order to be that good Christian mother that protects them, guides them and teaches them how awesome and powerful God is. How he is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end...how he created everything we see and yet knows each one of us by name...how he is all powerful but chose to exchange all of his power and splendor for poverty here on Earth just to pay our debt. Our outward notion of "giving" them back to the Lord is just our simple way of saying we are going to do our very best to "train them in the way that they should go". I am so grateful for my two precious blessings!

Pastor Tommy did a great job at making this day special for my family.

He even included Olivia Grace by asking her if she would be willing to help teach Carter about Jesus and show him what is right.

Carter absolutely loved Pastor Tommy. He was enthralled by every word he spoke.

Becky - the American Idol winner of our family! She is the best!

Our Family

Our Family and Our Extended Family

The dinner after the service

The cake was done by a good friend, Paula Ackerman of Cupcake Betty's. She did a wonderful job - much better than what I could have imagined. It tasted as good as it looked. She also took all the pictures which turned out as good as the cake.

Claire - the greatest friend in the world that would do anything for me including attending church at Maryville PH - and Wilson!

Appreciating Special Times

2009-01-01T21:24:00.003-05:00

The past week or so hasn't been quite as relaxing as I was hoping it would be but as I was thinking about the time that I have had off, I realized that even amidst the craziness, there are times to appreciate.

Olivia Grace had a very bad virus right before Christmas that lasted about 5 days. We ended up going to the doctor and getting a prescription for nausea to help her through Christmas. She is feeling much better now but she was a very sick little girl for those few days. I am sure all of you mothers can relate when I say - I hate it when my kids are sick!! Once they start feeling better after being as sick as OG was, it makes us moms really appreciate the time we have with our little ones.

Craig has been selling fireworks this Christmas in order to supplement our already pitiful income so he hasn't been home much to help out with the kids. To top that off, he now has a staph infection so I won't allow him out of our bedroom for fear that he might touch something. I definitely won't allow him to touch the children just for the sake of helping me out. When I talked to our pediatrician, he said not to treat Craig like he had the plague. Bless his little heart...we have treated him worse. We have treated him like a leper. When he does leave the room, I follow him around with the Clorox wipes wiping down everything he comes in contact with. Since I haven't had much help, I plan to be more appreciative of the help he gives me in the future.

As a mom, it is often easy to take for granted those little things that happen. Since Craig has been sick, the kids and I have moved into OG's room. I had to wake OG up from the couch in order to get her in the bed last night. It wasn't easy while holding Carter and trying not to wake him up. She was half asleep when we laid down and she immediately grabbed my hand under the pillow. Carter is a snuggler so when I rolled over his way in order to better hold OG's hand, he grabbed hold of my other finger. As I laid in the bed holding my children's hands, I found myself thanking the Lord over and over for allowing me that precious moment. My eyes filled with tears and I began to wonder how often things like that have happened before and I have taken them for granted. As crazy as it sounds, I never want to forget how I felt last night holding the hands of my precious babies. They will soon be married and have their own children to enjoy so I only have a short while to appreciate the gifts that God has given me - to appreciate them as they are now while they still want to hold my hand that is. I don't think I have ever felt as thankful as I did last night - and it was something so small. Now, I am determined to pay closer attention to the "small" special times that I usually take for granted!

Christmas Memories 2008

2008-12-27T20:03:00.011-05:00

We had a great Christmas this year and we have tons of memories that will last forever.

Olivia Grace

Carter

We started at Granny Wheeler's Christmas Eve around lunch. I was surprised because Carter was very interested in the presents, wrapping, and bows. I thought he would be too young this year. Granny wasn't having the best day but every so often we would see a glimmer of "granny". Carter would start fussing and she would say, "give him to me" which is exactly what she would say if she didn't have Alzheimer's. Craig asked her if she remembered me asking her to scratch my arm or my back every night. She said, "yes" and immediately started rubbing my arm. I am not sure how much longer we will have with granny because she is always talking about "going home" (to be with the Lord of course) so I am very grateful for the time that the Lord is allowing us to have with her. Before she got sick, she prayed as hard, probably harder, than I did for OG. Before she got really sick, she used to say, "now that you have OG, all you need now is a little boy." I have no doubt that she prayed for Carter as well. I thank the Lord daily that she is here, even if not in perfect mind, to see the two miracles that she prayed so hard for and to see that I am that momma that I always wanted to be.

OG helping Carter open his presents.

Kerri, Cody, Brandon and OG

Kerri and Carter

We went to Nana's that night but I forgot my camera. Oops! She had great spinach dip like always but Carter insisted on eating his cereal and peas first. He also loved the bows and tissue paper at Nana's house. I think Nana and Papa actually missed Carter just a bit. They normally see him everyday because they are helping us out until we find daycare. Since school had been out, they had not seen him. He smiled as soon as they started talking to him so he obviously missed them a little as well.

Then it was time for Santa. I love, love Santa coming. I could work on it for hours - making things just perfect. But seeing the kids faces on Christmas morning is even better!

OG's first look at what Santa brought.

OG's Pile

Carter's Pile

His favorite was the cheap barking puppy. He noticed it first.

After enjoying what Santa brought, we went back to Nana's for lunch. It was yummy!!

Opening presents at Mammy's and Pappy's is our last thing to do on Christmas day. I remember when OG was small; she would be so tired by the time we got to Craig's parents' house that she would hardly want to open presents. Now that she is older, it is great because it really stretches out the Christmas fun! We all got so much we could hardly fit it into the car.

Pappy and OG - Two Peas in a Pod!

Mammy, Carter and OG

My two men!

My family is so blessed and the Lord continues to bless us everyday! I am grateful for the real reason for Christmas - Jesus!!

Christmas Crafts

2008-12-22T09:10:00.003-05:00

Olivia Grace was a sick little girl over the weekend. I don't think she has been that sick since she was about 2 years old. She woke up today feeling much better and begging to do a Christmas craft. I am not really sure where she gets the "craftiness" from because Craig and I sure aren't the crafty type. I did scrapbook when she was little but I don't do that much anymore. She loves making crafts and is always trying to come up with a craft to complete. When she woke up this morning feeling so much better, I couldn't tell her no when she ask to make something. I thought about the reindeer craft that I had made with my students for years. It is easy and she could complete most of it by herself. As we were working, she asked Carter if he would like to make a reindeer. So we decided to include him in the fun. Holding him still to trace his foot and hand wasn't very easy but it was so worth it. His ornament turned out so tiny and absolutely precious!! With the exception of mine, these are priceless memories that I plan to keep for years.

All I Have Ever Wanted

2008-12-15T21:35:00.004-05:00

I absolutely love Christmas! I love the lights, the wrapping paper, the feeling you get from giving, the family gatherings, the excitement of children and of course the "real" reason for Christmas - Jesus! I was about 10 weeks pregnant last year during Christmas. For those that are unfamiliar with the beginnings of my pregnancies, they can be rough. I had severe morning sickness with Carter and didn't get any medicine for it until well after Christmas. Needless to say, last year was not a very good Christmas for us. I have been getting excited for Christmas this year for months. However, with the economy the way it is right now, Craig found out that his hours were going to be cut in January. That has really put a damper on things because we are trying to prepare for the significant pay cut to come. I was trying to finish up the decorating of "my" tree yesterday while Carter was asleep and OG and Craig were still in Andrews. As I was decorating, I was thinking and praying. I love, love, love buying and sitting out Santa on Christmas Eve. I also love, love, love to buy clothes for my children. As I was stringing the lights, I was thinking about how these two things have changed quite a bit this year due to our trying to save and get everything caught up before the new year. I realized that my family's "cup runneth over" even without all the toys on Christmas morning and even without that perfectly smocked dress or jon jon. I am really not as materialistic as this may sound. I just enjoy spoiling my little ones. But I realized that they are still spoiled because the Lord has always provided exactly what we need just in time and I know He will continue. I was reading a friend's blog tonight that really touched me. She has a little girl that is right around Carter's age. She had heard a song on the radio that said "all I want for Christmas is a family". She went on to discuss how she had been wanting someone to call her own, someone to tuck in, someone to call her mom and how the Lord had answered those prayers by giving her a new little girl. This really hit home for me because I remember having those exact same "wants". We prayed for 3 years for Olivia Grace and went through quite a bit of tests and medicine before the Lord answered our prayers. She only wrote maybe a paragraph and I was crying uncontrollably by those few sentences. So while I may not have a living room full of toys from Santa or a smocked outfit for each Sunday before Christmas, I do have a Savior that answers prayers and always provides. A perfect example of His work is that I have what I have always wanted for Christmas - A FAMILY!

Another First

2008-12-06T21:35:00.004-05:00

Olivia Grace is asleep so I will have to tell her about Carter's new "first" tomorrow so that she can add it to her list. As you all know, Carter had a very rough start and now he stays with his Pappy and Nana so he is a bit spoiled to say the least. With Olivia Grace, I followed all the "rules" with feeding, sleeping, tummy time, etc. However, it is been a little different with Carter. Everyone tried to tell me that the second is very different. But knowing me and how paranoid I am about things, I really didn't think it would be that much of a change from the first. Oh, but it is!! Carter got cereal about a week before he was 4 months (the "official" time to start), he started on fruit about a week ago (the "official" time to start that is 5-6 months), and he is rocked to sleep for every nap and at every bedtime. I know, you should lay them down and let them learn to sooth themselves. I have read all the books, too. But when your baby cries for hours on end like he did for those few months, you will do whatever you can to just get them to sleep. He is doing sooo much better but we continue to rock him to sleep because he is used to that now and I can't really imagine him "soothing himself". Well...I am now the proud mother of a "self soother"!!! He played on the couch right by himself for about an hour while I looked for some deals on holiday clothes on ebay. I could tell he was sleepy because he was rubbing his eyes, but he was playing so I allowed him to continue. When I looked over at him, he had rolled to his side and was closing his eyes. I was so proud, I could hardly stand it. So while you might think this is a silly first to blog about, I am the proudest mom alive right now!!

OG's List of Things That Carter Can Do

2008-11-29T21:00:00.017-05:00

Olivia Grace likes to talk about the things that Carter has learned how to do in the past four months. She is so proud of his "accomplishments"! Over the weekend, Carter has learned to take his paci out of his mouth with his hand. He tries to get it back in the right place but he hasn't quite mastered that yet. Today, OG said that we can add something to Carter's list and she started counting on her fingers and very proudly reciting his new "can-do list".

"First, he learned how to smile at me (one finger up). Next, he learned how to keep his paci in his mouth without me holding it (two fingers up). Then, he learned how to roll over (three fingers up). Now, he can take his paci out of his mouth all by himself (four fingers up). He is almost a big boy now!"

Being the mom, I thought that was just the most precious thing!!! :) She is actually keeping up with everything that her little brother has learned how to do.

"Oh Mom, I have a paci!"

"I think I can take it out!?!?"

"Oh, wow, I really did it!"

"Now how do I get it back?? "

Blessings!

2008-11-27T20:57:00.006-05:00

As this wonderful Thanksgiving day went by, I couldn't help but keep thinking about how blessed my family is and how thankful I am to the Lord for all these blessings. I have so much to be thankful for that I could never blog enough about what the Lord has done for me. However, I feel it necessary to share as much as possible in order to give God the glory.

I am so thankful for salvation and how the Lord seems to draw me closer to him as each day passes. Lately, I have really been trying to read my bible more. As I was thinking about a way to blog about how the Lord saw me through a very difficult time with postpartum depression, he lead me to the book of Job. If you are unfamiliar with Job (like I was), he went through a terribly tough time after an extreme test of faith. Let me start by saying, I don't hold a candle to Job! He lost his oxen, donkeys, sheep, servants, camels, and children. Even after all of that, he continued to praise the Lord. As with Job, I questioned why the Lord had forsaken me in one of my darkest times. I was the saddest I had ever been and didn't understand why. I new that the Lord had blessed me with the second child that I had prayed so hard for, but during those months, I didn't feel very blessed. I felt guilty for not being happy, I felt guilty for crying all the time, I felt guilty for not wanting to leave the house or talk to friends, but most of all, I felt guilty for not "acting" thankful for the precious blessing the Lord had given me. Don't misunderstand - I loved my baby and took very good care of him but I just didn't understand why I couldn't act happy or be happy. I wondered what I had done to deserve all the sad feelings and I wondered why I felt so alone. I won't sugar coat things - that was the worst 3 months of my life and I thought no one understood how I was feeling. When I started feeling a little better and went to church for the first time in a few months, the preacher gave me a word. Mr. Tommy said that no one understood my feelings but the Lord says that He knows and that my faith will be strengthened and I will come through it with a testimony. I left that day feeling, for the first time in a while, that the Lord was still in control. Unlike Job, I did not stand firm and praise His name. Instead, I questioned why He had forsaken me. Looking back, I see why I went through such a difficult time and how my life has changed because of it. I can now say that I am thankful for that time and the person I have become because of it. I am thankful for His forgiveness and the boldness He has given me to even discuss those three months.
I am thankful for my husband who is so understanding of me and such a great daddy. I don't tell him enough how proud I am to be his wife. I have gone through quite a bit in 31 years that has shaped and molded me into who I am today. I know that the Lord allowed those things in order for me to be the wife and mother that He wants me to be. I am sure, from Craig's perspective, that isn't always a good thing. :) I know that I think very differently about things because of my past but he tries not to criticize and he loves me despite of it all. That is a really good feeling!!
I am thankful for my two wonderful blessings from God. Olivia Grace was truly a miracle after a long three years of praying. We learned that the Lord works on his time, not ours. Carter was our second blessing that also was provided in God's time. I am thankful for Olivia Grace's love of Jesus and her desire to please Him. I am thankful for Carter's "rough start". His difficult time has drawn me closer to the Lord. I am thankful for the blessings that He will provide my children in the future and the help he provides Craig and I everyday in raising them.
I am thankful for my grandparents. Without them, I cannot imagine where I would be today. My "granny" loves the Lord more than anyone I know and I thank the Lord everyday for allowing me to have someone like her to model myself after.
I am thankful for my in-laws who so graciously invited me into the family that I never had. Because of the Lord's grace and my grandmother's prayers, I have what I have always wanted - a family to belong to!
I am thankful for all the material blessings (house, car, clothes, etc.) that the Lord has provided. Without fail, we always have what we need and more. I am thankful for the blessings to come, even in this difficult economic time.
I am thankful for friends who were put in my life for a reason. Friends who love and pray for my family because they truly care.
Lastly, I am thankful for the Lord's grace and mercy and days like today when He provides time with family so that we can reflect on all that He has done for us!

Finally...

2008-10-27T21:07:00.002-04:00

I know, I know...you have been wondering when I would update my blog. My computer has had a virus but now I am finally back online!! I have been thinking about this blog for months but now that I am able to sit at the computer and start writing...well...I need a little more time. I have tons to blog about but can't possibly get it all in tonight so I will just update you on the baby.

Carter is doing sooooo much better! For a few months, he had colic. He still has days that resemble the colic (like tonight - Craig has Olivia Grace's play vacuum sitting by he and Carter in the rocking chair) but for the past two weeks I have had a new baby. Our pediatrician prescribed Zantac for acid reflux and then another medicine with a really long name that causes the food in his stomach to go to his intestines much quicker. That is to prevent the acid from coming up into the esophagus so much. He was being prayed for by sooo many people and I am extremely thankful! I know the Lord has had his hand on Carter and myself since his birth because we have come through a difficult time with a testimony. Carter doesn't have daycare anymore because he was having such a difficult time. However, Craig's dad and grandmother have graciously offered to keep him until he is completely better and we can find full time daycare. He is getting there and we are adjusting well to our new little one. When I say new, I mean new as in the past two weeks new. Because, bless his heart, he really hasn't been able to go anywhere the past few months. He did go to church once or twice when he first came home but not lately. Saturday, we went to the beach to get Olivia Grace a Halloween costume and a few shirts for the winter. He did really well. He hates the car seat so he cried the whole way over there and back. But he did great while we were shopping. He also went to church Sunday and was in amazement. He could not get enough of the music and hands in the air. Becky was helping the praise and worship team so she came and got him and took him to the front with her to sing. The preacher prayed for him and he just laid back and took it all in. It was precious and I just cried thinking of how good the Lord is to see us through each difficult situation that comes our way. I do have a few pictures to share but I have to reload my photo software on this computer. I will post some this week. Thanks for checking in and thanks to those who have been praying for us - God is sooo good!!

Meet My New Blessing...Carter

2008-07-14T13:52:00.004-04:00

Carter arrived Friday, July 11th at 3:08 pm. He is the most precious little boy I have ever laid my eyes on! He weighed 7lbs 13.6 oz and he was 20 inches long. The delivery went well and I was very blessed to have lots of family and a very dear friend there the entire time. I will post again soon with more pictures and lots more details so keep checking back.

For Olivia Grace...

2008-07-10T11:24:00.006-04:00

One of my intentions for this blog was to save memories for my children, so I thought I would write notes to them at special times in their life. Since this is the last day that Olivia Grace will be the baby and the only child, I thought this would be one of those "special times".

To My Special Miracle...
Today is the day before your baby brother will arrive and you seem to be clueless as to how your world is about to change. While you run around feeding your dolls and strolling them back and forth to the store (your bedroom), I can't help but tear up thinking about how special you are to me and daddy. We went through a lot and waited a long time for the Lord to bless us with the special miracle that is you! But we would go through all of that again because that is just how much you mean to us. Everyone assures me that there will be enough love for both you and Carter. I know there will be but I want you to know that when he is crying and I can't help you change your doll, I still love you. When he needs to eat and you have to wait for your lunch, I still love you. When he needs my attention and you feel like momma is always too busy with the baby, I still love you! It may seem like things will never get back to normal but actually, "our normal" will change to include your new baby brother. You will now have a new friend to play with, take care of, and love. I pray that the two of you will have a special relationship unlike all others. When you asked me this morning if I remembered that lullaby that I used to sing to you when you were little, my heart broke because I thought that was the first sign that you weren't the baby anymore. Instead, I have decided that was your way of saying "include me, momma". So I promise to include you when Carter is crying, when he needs to eat and when he is requiring a lot of my attention. You will be my "big girl" helper. When I sing your lullaby to Carter, I will be sure you are there to help me remember the words that I used to make up as I went along. Even though things are going to change a great deal around our house tomorrow, I want you to remember that daddy and I love you very much. But the Lord loves you even more and I know you will make Him very proud when you become a big sister!

Love,
Momma

The Nursery is Finally Ready for the Big Day!

2008-07-06T21:21:00.008-04:00

It is official...Carter's birthday will be July 11th! Can you believe it? He will finally be here Friday - that is if he continues to go along with the plan and doesn't decide to come earlier. :) If you know Craig, he always has to have a plan. So much so that our friends, Claire and Daniel, can hardly stand making dinner dates with us because Craig complains if "the plan" is off by 10 minutes. So for daddy's sake, I hope that Carter can wait it out until Friday. I am so excited to see him and count his fingers and toes but, honestly, I am a little nervous. I think when I had Olivia Grace, I thought I knew what to expect but actually I had no idea. But this time...wow...I really know what is going to happen and how life is going to change. I think that is why I am a little more nervous. I just pray that everything goes smoothly - the baby's heart rate is perfect the entire time (Olivia Grace's kept decelerating), I progress well, there is never a talk of a cesarean and the biggest thing - the epidural works great!! So please, when you are saying your prayers this week, remember these things for me - especially the part about the epidural. :)

Since we know the baby will be here in a few days we have really been putting the finishing touches on the nursery.

We still need a floor lamp for behind the rocking chair and a table lamp for the dresser. Not only the lamp but we also need just the right colored green shades (that has been really hard to find) but other than that, we can pretty much say we are finished.

Well, it is hard for me to say I am finished because there are so many other "little" things that I could add or do but you have to stop somewhere.

I remember finishing up Olivia Grace's nursery just before she was born. I finally had the feeling that I was ready. I don't know if I have that "ready feeling" this time (because I am not ready for the lack of sleep...I didn't know about that the first time) but I am excited to be able change a diaper, to rock a baby and to hum a lullaby again. It seems like it has been so long since Olivia Grace was a tiny baby. I didn't realize until recently how much I missed being able to do everything for her. Don't get me wrong - she will always be my baby but she doesn't want me to do things for her anymore. She is a little like me. She wants to be in control and doing things her way. Except, of course, when it is time to pick up toys or put her clothes away...then she wants me to help her. Oh the fun of being mom. I can hardly even remember my life before I was a mother and I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Poor Dori :(

2008-06-30T11:13:00.009-04:00

Saturday started out as a day of shopping for Olivia Grace and I. We went to Mount Pleasant to find a bookshelf for Carter's room and then to BabiesRUs to pick up a few more things we needed before he makes his appearance. It was nice and we were excited to find the bookshelf for Carter. Although, I am not really sure why because the poor baby doesn't have a single book. Olivia Grace's bookshelf was full before she even arrived. Claire and Becky assure me that I will get over this feeling of trying to keep everything "even" for the two. I sure hope so because I am feeling really guilty that I haven't bought him any books. Olivia Grace was nice enough to go through her books and find 3 that he would like and put them on his shelf. She is going to be a great big sister! Anyway...I digress...let's get back to "poor Dori". After the 3 of us put the bookshelf together (mostly me because Craig refuses to read the directions), Craig went to put the tools away and noticed that our beloved pet fish, Dori, was floating on her back. If you know our family well, you know how important all of our pets are to us. It is kinda like a farm around here but we wouldn't have it any other way. Craig and I couldn't figure out what to say to Olivia Grace so we just decided to make it up as we went along. We showed her how Dori wasn't swimming any more and told her that we thought Dori just got old and had to go be with Jesus. At first, she was adamant that Dori was just resting and she would still swim...all while she was tapping on the glass to "wake her up". We then tried to explain that she had "died". That is a very hard concept for a four year old...really for any of us but especially for a four year old. I started by saying we could put her in the potty to send her back to the ocean but Olivia Grace didn't like that idea and started to cry more. So then I changed it to having a burial outside...we didn't like that either because Dori wouldn't like the dirt. Then Craig said someone from the pet store would come and pick her up and send her to be with Jesus. Finally, Olivia Grace agreed to her own version of what would happen...someone from the pet store would come pick up Dori and the fish doctor would take her to the ocean where she could be with her mom and dad and sister and brother. I am not sure that she understands the concept of what really happened to Dori but we did our best and when your little one's heart is broken you do whatever you can to "make it better" so we agreed with her. We finally got her to stop crying after Craig assured her that we would get another fish. I never thought that it would be that difficult to explain, after all, it was just a fish. But all the pets at our house are loved equally, I guess!! :) We will post some pictures of our new fish when Daddy finds the perfect one...Olivia Grace has given him a list of characteristics that her new pet should have!

Welcome

2008-06-19T00:05:00.003-04:00

Welcome to the Casselman family's blog! We hope this will be an easy way to share our photos and stories with all of our family and friends. Becoming parents has truly changed our lives! Craig and I are very different now than we were when we were younger. It is amazing what children will do for you! :) We can't believe our adorable little girl, Olivia Grace, is four years old, will soon be a big sister and will start school in August. Everyone was right - time flies! She has taught us both so much and has made us see life in a whole new way. Now that she will be a big sister and will start school soon, what better way to share and document the upcoming events then by blogging. So save us in your favorites and check back often as we'll be constantly updating with pictures and stories since we will soon have "BLESSINGS TIMES TWO".