Blessings!

As this wonderful Thanksgiving day went by, I couldn't help but keep thinking about how blessed my family is and how thankful I am to the Lord for all these blessings. I have so much to be thankful for that I could never blog enough about what the Lord has done for me. However, I feel it necessary to share as much as possible in order to give God the glory.

• I am so thankful for salvation and how the Lord seems to draw me closer to him as each day passes. Lately, I have really been trying to read my bible more. As I was thinking about a way to blog about how the Lord saw me through a very difficult time with postpartum depression, he lead me to the book of Job. If you are unfamiliar with Job (like I was), he went through a terribly tough time after an extreme test of faith. Let me start by saying, I don't hold a candle to Job! He lost his oxen, donkeys, sheep, servants, camels, and children. Even after all of that, he continued to praise the Lord. As with Job, I questioned why the Lord had forsaken me in one of my darkest times. I was the saddest I had ever been and didn't understand why. I new that the Lord had blessed me with the second child that I had prayed so hard for, but during those months, I didn't feel very blessed. I felt guilty for not being happy, I felt guilty for crying all the time, I felt guilty for not wanting to leave the house or talk to friends, but most of all, I felt guilty for not "acting" thankful for the precious blessing the Lord had given me. Don't misunderstand - I loved my baby and took very good care of him but I just didn't understand why I couldn't act happy or be happy. I wondered what I had done to deserve all the sad feelings and I wondered why I felt so alone. I won't sugar coat things - that was the worst 3 months of my life and I thought no one understood how I was feeling. When I started feeling a little better and went to church for the first time in a few months, the preacher gave me a word. Mr. Tommy said that no one understood my feelings but the Lord says that He knows and that my faith will be strengthened and I will come through it with a testimony. I left that day feeling, for the first time in a while, that the Lord was still in control. Unlike Job, I did not stand firm and praise His name. Instead, I questioned why He had forsaken me. Looking back, I see why I went through such a difficult time and how my life has changed because of it. I can now say that I am thankful for that time and the person I have become because of it. I am thankful for His forgiveness and the boldness He has given me to even discuss those three months.
• I am thankful for my husband who is so understanding of me and such a great daddy. I don't tell him enough how proud I am to be his wife. I have gone through quite a bit in 31 years that has shaped and molded me into who I am today. I know that the Lord allowed those things in order for me to be the wife and mother that He wants me to be. I am sure, from Craig's perspective, that isn't always a good thing. :) I know that I think very differently about things because of my past but he tries not to criticize and he loves me despite of it all. That is a really good feeling!!
• I am thankful for my two wonderful blessings from God. Olivia Grace was truly a miracle after a long three years of praying. We learned that the Lord works on his time, not ours. Carter was our second blessing that also was provided in God's time. I am thankful for Olivia Grace's love of Jesus and her desire to please Him. I am thankful for Carter's "rough start". His difficult time has drawn me closer to the Lord. I am thankful for the blessings that He will provide my children in the future and the help he provides Craig and I everyday in raising them.
• I am thankful for my grandparents. Without them, I cannot imagine where I would be today. My "granny" loves the Lord more than anyone I know and I thank the Lord everyday for allowing me to have someone like her to model myself after.
• I am thankful for my in-laws who so graciously invited me into the family that I never had. Because of the Lord's grace and my grandmother's prayers, I have what I have always wanted - a family to belong to!
• I am thankful for all the material blessings (house, car, clothes, etc.) that the Lord has provided. Without fail, we always have what we need and more. I am thankful for the blessings to come, even in this difficult economic time.
• I am thankful for friends who were put in my life for a reason. Friends who love and pray for my family because they truly care.
• Lastly, I am thankful for the Lord's grace and mercy and days like today when He provides time with family so that we can reflect on all that He has done for us!